The Result of Perpetual Motion

In Terms Of Africa…

What can be done?  Can anything be done? Africa is a few hundred evoloutionary years behind the rest of the world; The bloodshed and violence is repulsive and horrific, but I’m wondering… is there really anything that can be done to stop it?  When speaking of 2 people fighting, there are times when the best thing to do is to step aside and simply allow them to have it out.  This can be painful to watch, but both people need to get their own issues off their chests and burn off some steam… only after that has happened are they ready for resolve.  This, to me, is Africa.  Perhaps the powers-that-be have the same thought that I do because no one is intervening effectively.  And now I ask, when does the madness stop? Will Africa ever come up to speed with the rest of the world? And will there ever be a point in which the world will decide that it’s safe to step in and help them resolve and seek solutions?  If we come to that point, will we trouble them by imposing our democratic beliefs?  Democracy is a beautiful thing, but the fact is that it simply doesn’t work for everyone (case in point: Iraq)  Today, these are my worries.

 After much investigation, question, research, news, time, and thought… I, Erika Anderson, fully, officially and decidedly support Barack Obama for President.  I highly encourage anyone on-the-fence or out-of-the-way to do the same.  He is an extremely capeable man, truly inspirational, and is only candidate fit and ready for the job.  I won’t push my political beliefs any further, but allow me to first say that I’ve made an extremely informed decision and I hope everyone else does the same, despite who they decide to vote for.

 I wore flip-flops today in hopes of sun, and my wish came true (a little bit!) Optimism goes a long way my friends…

Have a good day my lovelys ;)

January 28, 2008 Posted by Erika | Africa, Obama, SLO-Town & My Academic Adventure, politics | | No Comments

“I’m sensitive…

and I’d like to stay that way.”

I don’t understand why, but talking to my dad on the phone today almost brought me to tears. He stuck his hand out to help me while I’m feeling really insecure and overwhelmed, in terms of my current living condition. My insomnia is back like a lurking shadow, and when someone extends help to me in a time like now it makes me want to cry with gratitude. I have a hard time asking for or accepting help. I’ve learned to say a bashful “yes, please” when someone offers it, but asking is still difficult for me to do.

Another thought: I take movies waaay to personally! Last night Amy, Eva and I went to see 27 Dresses and it really made me hurt with heartache. I felt sick and exhausted of love. And when the movie was over I felt as though I was the one whos dreams came true… I wish I could say this problem is something I’m going to try to correct; strengthen my mind by learning to be impervious to dramatic movies… but its something I’m not going to try to improve about myself because theres a lack of lust in my life and I’ll take what I can get! If a movie makes me feel giddy and passionate, let it be. I hate to admit that not much else has in quite some time.

Still storming… Sociology tomorrow and I’m stoked! I’m trying to maintain optimism, and I will. We all get the blues, its how you deal with it that counts. So i’m going to curl up and read and hopefully fall asleep before 2am. Later gator :)

January 28, 2008 Posted by Erika | SLO-Town & My Academic Adventure, insomnia | | 1 Comment

This Article Stole The Words From My Mind; It’s BEAUTIFUL:

A Soulful Talent: Cherishing Heath Ledger

Intelligent, sensitive star made every part uniquely his own

By Kim Morgan Special to MSN Movies

There’s a moment in Heath Ledger’s far too short, sometimes brilliant film career that makes me so teary eyed, so filled with wistful emotion, that no matter how many times I watch it, I’m still taken aback by its deceptively simple power. No, it’s not a scene from Ang Lee’s “Brokeback Mountain” (his transcendent performance there makes me weep — for more obvious reasons); rather, it was his final scene in Catherine Hardwicke’s “Lords of Dogtown,” that underrated skater picture featuring one of Ledger’s most poignant performances.

As Skip Engblom, the crusty, aging uncle/father figure to the kids of Team Zephyr, young Ledger played beyond his years with sublime, quirky effortlessness. As in most of his performances, Ledger imbued what could have been a one-note aging stoner dude with sympathy and soul, dignifying Skip with a disarming, surprisingly heart-wrenching end note: Sanding a surfboard in the back of what was once his kingdom, in what could have been an easy, here’s-where-he’s-at-now scene. Instead, Ledger fills us with a compelling mixture of sadness and a glimmer of hope that Skip will at least survive this life OK. After his boss orders him to finish a surfboard for some kid, the past lord dutifully, but bitterly, complies. Glumly sitting down, Skip slowly perks up to the lovely opening of Rod Stewart’s “Maggie May.” Pounding to that infectious double drum beat preceding Stewart’s passionate “Wake up, Maggie, I think I got something to say to you,” Skip, in a flash of understated joy and release, turns up the radio and sings along. Ledger is so in the moment and so naturally bittersweet that in mere seconds, he makes one remember just how much those little things in life can affect you – those times or sensations that either make you crash hard or for one wonderful, ephemeral moment, lift you higher.

It seems silly to say he was underrated since he received an Academy Award nomination for his tortured cowboy Ennis Del Mar in “Brokeback,” but in many respects he was underrated. Given that much of his earlier work was looked upon as the standard, hot young thing pabulum many actors slog through before reaching critical credibility, Ledger was often underappreciated for always being interesting…

And Ledger could work those powerful sensations in all of his performances, whether he was gleefully laughing at himself in the giddily entertaining “A Knight’s Tale” or silently, desperately pining for his beloved in “Brokeback Mountain.” It seems silly to say he was underrated since he received an Academy Award nomination for his tortured cowboy Ennis Del Mar in “Brokeback,” but in many respects he was underrated. Given that much of his earlier work was looked upon as the standard, hot young thing pabulum many actors slog through before reaching critical credibility, Ledger was often underappreciated for always being interesting, “10 Things I Hate About You,” “The Patriot” and all.

Moving his career to his own fascinating frequency, the Australian Ledger eschewed the predictable romantic comedy/action hero leading man roles that could have followed his splashy, sexy 2000 Vanity Fair cover, anointing him as the latest stud du jour. It reads like a terrific career move, an initial sacrifice but ultimately a rewarding step toward serious movie stardom. But watching Ledger skillfully slip into the skin of a depressive, soft-hearted young man in “Monster’s Ball” or embody a brash, sexy rake in “Casanova,” I can’t imagine the actor having any kind of choice. He was just too sensitive, too interesting, too intelligent an actor to not make any part uniquely his own. And exciting. Watching his psychopathic, perfectly hideous Joker in the trailer for Christopher Nolan’s upcoming Batman chapter “The Dark Knight” gives me chills, not only for the dual thrill of seeing two of cinema’s greatest, chameleonlike talents (Christian Bale and Ledger, who were also terrific in Todd Haynes‘ stunning Dylan meditation, “I’m Not There“) pitted against one another, but for Ledger’s maniacal, edgier take on the legendary supervillain. Ledger’s ability to create a Joker that’ll out-do Jack Nicholson appears to be unquestionable, and this was clearly yet another important transformative moment in the actor’s career.

But I’m discussing Ledger’s career in the past tense, something I’m having a tough time wrapping my mind around. He was one of my favorite working actors, an actor I’ve been advocating and arguing for as someone special and different since his earlier roles, and an actor I now find myself cherishing. Like many of you, I was absolutely stunned and depressed to learn of his death. I can barely grasp the realization as I write this right now. He was only 28 years old. He was in the middle of Terry Gilliam’s newest picture, an admirable task since, in spite of how great he was in Gilliam’s otherwise messy “The Brothers Grimm,” you know someone must have advised him against it. But Gilliam, as troubled as some of his productions have been, is an artist. And so was Ledger.

Thinking of the last movie I saw Ledger in, as the beautiful, romantic but flawed and human “live fast, die young” James Dean-inspired Dylan persona in “I’m Not There,” I was filled with sadness, recalling the enchanting, idyllic scenes between Charlotte Gainsbourg and Ledger tuned to Dylan’s “I Want You.” What bliss. What joy to simply watch Ledger engaging in such bliss. And what a magnificent, soulful talent he was, with so much more to give movies and life. To paraphrase Dylan, we want you, we want you, we want you back, so bad.

January 26, 2008 Posted by Erika | Death, Heath Ledger, SLO-Town & My Academic Adventure, Thoughts | | No Comments

The Sun Is My Lover

At the risk of my blog turning into a forum for political venting, I’ll try to state my dilemma in a brief manner. The bottom line is this:
I have NO IDEA who I’m voting for. NONE.
I thought I did, and I don’t.
What’s a girl to doooooooooooo, I’m at a complete loss. It’s an internal conflict; nothing anyone can say or do will sway me, I think I just might need to hike to the top of a mountain and meditate about this for a good while.

 My roommates kick ass and I totally love them! I lucked out, I really did.

 Right now I’m at school killing time because my first class was canceled due to a water scarcity on campus.  Bathrooms are closed, and for those of us who drank tea this morning– we’re suffering.  I’m just waiting for the “official word” before I head home.

The only thing to which I am truly vulnerable is the sun.  I’ll put my emotions out there for him, tell him how much I want him, how much I need his warmth, how much I love and adore him… and when he comes I feel happy, I wear less clothing for him, and sometimes I’ll even take all my clothes off and let him love me by the pool.  He’s the best lover, very attentive and soft. Sun? Where art thou? I need you.

January 25, 2008 Posted by Erika | SLO-Town & My Academic Adventure | | No Comments

Young Student Braves Torrential Downpour, Grin Goes Missing

San Luis Obispo
Tuesday afternoon a female Cuesta College student was seen riding her silver roadbike down Borad Street in the pouring rain. Its been reported that she was first seen leaving the Chorro branch of Washington Mutual before mounting her noble chrome steed and heading north on Broad. Washington Mutual was not available for comment by time of press. The identity of the girl is unknown, however, a witness said she seemed to have a grin on her face despite the fact that she was soaking wet.

On the 3335th block of Broad Street a grin belonging to an 18-year-old Cuesta College student went missing. The grin has an estimated worth of $4,000, according to the girls parents who funded her highschool orthodontics. The grin was last seen with the girl riding a bike down Broad Street. It went missing shortly after she discovered her favorite actor, Heath Ledger, had died suddenly. The whereabouts of the grin are under investigation.

January 23, 2008 Posted by Erika | Life, SLO-Town & My Academic Adventure, San Luis Obispo, Smile | | 2 Comments

HBO is HBAwesome

I’m really happy right now because Eva and I are sitting next to eachother on the couch at my new place, both on our laptops while dinner is cooking. How cool is this? I spent the day downtown exploring, looking for job prospects, and figuring out how to get to the bus station, the pete’s coffee, and the urban outfitters (oopsies! heehee)
Yesterday my mom helped me get all settled in and then a bunch of friends came over for barbequed chicken and vodka tonics before we headed over to Eve’s for beer pong. I hate to give those point-by-point accounts of the day so i’ll stop there. All I want to get across is that this San Luis situation is IDEAL.
School starts on tuesday… I’m a little worried because I have to ride my bike for 15 min to catch a bus at 6:30 in the morning. I feel a little bit stressed out because theres so much to be done; need a job (money is tight), need a printer, bank account, need to fix my bed so that i dont wake up with a neck ache blahdy blahdy blah blah…. ugh.
Anyway, I’m learning how to live on my own pretty quickly, and i’m learning that i’m not very good at it yet and you know what?? THATS OK alright? It’s okay that I’m learning, i’m glad of it and I’m happy to admit that i don’t know everything. Strangely enough, I’ve never felt so young and immature before, and I think i’m nervous because i keep finding myself pulling and twisting my hair.
Overall, I’m doing well. I love my roommates, the vibe, the city and I cant wait to find myself a routine, some friends and a job. Not to be a Negative Nancy or a Debbie Downer, but we have cable and we dont have HBO and thats been the only TV that i’ve watched for nearly 10 years and now I have to watch the censored crap, so i’m pretty bummed about it. I’m totally a spoiled brat… just had to throw that thought out there.
So I’m growing my hair out and i’m wearing bright colors again… and those are all of my thoughts for now. Thank you for enduring my scatter-brain, I’ll have a better post when i feel more settled and secure. Love ya ;)

January 21, 2008 Posted by Erika | HBO, Life, SLO-Town & My Academic Adventure, San Luis Obispo | | No Comments

Signing out, Sonoma

10:00 AM

Today is my last day in Sonoma.  I’m leaving tonight for San Luis Obispo, and even though I feel pretty much tip-top I must be having a difficult time on some level because I just cried for the first time in months. It was just a few tears, but I tried to push it as far along as possible– remember when you’d do that as a kid?  I would push that cry along as hard as I could!  I’d focus on it, focus on the tears and pity myself for crying until I couldn’t fake it any longer.  Mind you, this was an exercise that (oddly enough) I’d do for my own sake, or for pity from the parents; by no means was I a bratty child.  I hope others can relate to my crying technique or else then I wouldn’t know what to think about myself!

6:00 PM

All my bags are packed, and I’m ready to go.  Annnnnd thats as far as I’m going to follow John Denver… My family is having Red Grape (my favorite) for dinner and then we’re hittin’ the road and I feel very prepared and excited.  The feeling that I have right now is hard to define.  I feel like its a really big deal that I’m moving out, but I hate to show it.  I want to hug my little sister and tell her to be a good girl, not to give my dad any flack, and to remember if she ever needs a vacation or some condoms, i’m here to help her out.  That might be my dramatic side wanting to show itself…  But really, I don’t know the next time I’ll be back here.  I’m going to school year round and its just really strange to think how much will have happened between now and the next time I come home.  That’s the characteristic of change, I guess.

January 19, 2008 Posted by Erika | Goodbye, Life, SLO-Town & My Academic Adventure, Sonoma | | No Comments

A Late Night Love Letter

Right now it’s pretty early in the morning. I should be in bed, but I can’t sleep. I’m wearing leg warmers, an oversized sweatshirt and I just realized that I forgot to remove a tiara from my hair so I look pretty quirky. Rayna and I stayed up until 4 in the morning last night talking about our 2 and a half year plan… I really should feel tired. In a nutshell, we’re going to New York in 2 and 1/2 years. Its exciting! It really is…

Heart-to-hearts talks with Rayna are like soul food. Why am I always suprised when i feel enlightened to a different way of looking at something? She told me to analyze the people I love most in my life (my close friends and family) and get a hold of exactly why I love them so much. When you really get a handle on the things about the people in your inner-circle that make you love and appreciate them, maybe then you can start to understand your own unique laws of attraction. It helps you to understand yourself when you understand why you chose your “family of choice”.

My friends are INDEED my family of choice. Its such a different feeling to love friends than it is to love family. I find it difficult to express my gratitude for my friends in words. Essentially without them, i am nothing at all in the world. Although I tend to be dangerously independent most of the time, I can only accomplish this because of them. My sisters and my friends, collectively, are my rock and the stability upon which I live my life. Why do I always seem to test the people that I love most in the world? I put distance between myself and them, as if to see if they’ll endure. Honestly, to see if I can endure. And I find that i can, but I NEED them to endure as well or else my movements around the globe are pointless, and my choices in life don’t add up.
A home is no geographical point on a map, its where my people are. My friends; the people who I’m stuck with. THANK GOD I’M STUCK WITH THEM. Does that sound negative? Allow me to explain; My life is fulfilling because they won’t let me run away… I’m a person who tends to run from intimacy and I can’t help it sometimes. I try to keep from doing it! I feel on the inside its like i’m begging for the person i’m running from to say, “hey wait a minute! come back here right this second, i love you unconditionally…” I need them to work with me, love me regardless. But i can’t ask for that… who the hell will keep loving me even after i push them away repeatedly? indefinately my friends do…they give me that feeling of security, I don’t ever doubt them. I need to return the favor with more fervor, but I hope they know how deep their friendship runs and the love they have instilled in me. You know who you are and I’m grateful for you more than words will do justice.

My trust and love, once gained, is loyal, strong and nearly impossible to lose. The thing about it is, it takes a lot of patience and hard work to gain it. This, I’ve concluded, is why I have the amazing circle of friends that I do; They love me in the same, inextinguishable, enduring way that I love them.

January 17, 2008 Posted by Erika | Friends, Growth, Home for the Holidays, Life, epiphanys, insomnia, love | | No Comments

I HAVE A ROOF

Yesterday my dad and i drove to San Luis Obispo to check her out, and to attempt to put my mind at ease since i’ve basically been freaking out about finding a place to live in time for school to start. After a sleepless night last night due to stress-induced insomnia, the trip was a huge success and I have a place to live!

I’m so excited about this place. I get really good “vibes”, if you know what I mean. It feels right and good, and like it SHOULD feel. Now i’m just a little bit bummed that I can’t seem to get down there before this weekend! I’d like to go hang out with Eva and find a job before school starts, but it looks like I’ll only have a few days to do that. Well… I guess it can take as long as i want it to, in terms of finding a job. And in terms of Eva… I get to hang out with her all the time so thats not a problem either. So official move in date is the 19th with my mommy!

I still have a long list of things i need to do, and stuff I need to get but none of that will be delt with in this place (meaning my blog site.) All i want to say is that i’m really excited to begin my life. In my opinion, this is where real life begins. Here and now, Japan was like some kind of twisted vacation and now i’m ready to face the music and grow up. School is my main focus, for real. I’m saying that as a sort of “note-to-self”… I can’t afford to get side-tracked. Tonight my dad gave me a brief, “no parties, no boys, no fucking around Erika” type of talk and he’s right!… to a certain extent. No going out to play until my homework is done! As for boys… who knows but recently i’ve been suprisingly distracted by a certain boy and i’m enjoying it.

I feel like i’m soaring, like i’m in a gigantic up-swing and I’m plan on keeping this going for as long a possible. That means hard work for balance and i’m willing to put in the time. This is exciting, i’m not scared to move anymore and i’m in the place i need to be to succeed… and i WILL.

January 13, 2008 Posted by Erika | Home for the Holidays, Life, San Luis Obispo, Smile, Thoughts | | No Comments

Ten Things

chaplinCharlie Chaplin:  Obviously! A comical genius. Timeless and always entertaining. I have a deep love for Charlie because he makes me laugh, even decades later, time and again. He’s cute, too.

obamaBarack Obama:  The first time a politician makes me want to hear him speak (as opposed to feeling inclined to.)  Sometimes he even gets me a little misty eyed…  the feeling of being inspired by a presidential candidate is similar to and just as surprising as first love.  He’s articulate and clean; I’m smitten!

siennaSienna Miller:  My personal fashion icon and girl-crush.  There may be no end to what I would do for her closet or her legs. Plus, she makes me want to be a blond… and that’s saying a lot.

Joey:  Because he was my first love, and he broke my heart.  This is not to commend him or pity him, but to acknowledge him as a momumental person in my life that I felt would be really random and equally appropriate to mention.  Even to this day he’s the only boy to really catch me and now I think of him seldomly and fondly. 

beryl markhamBeryl Markham:  Utterly the most influential historical figure for the person that I am today.  She’s my hero and my idol, even Wonder Woman comes second.

mark twainMark Twain:  Literary genius, one of my biggest inspirations. I admire his honesty, wit and ferocity.  He’s capable of pulling me out writers block and is the only man with facial hair I’ll ever love… besides my dad.

Maria Santana:  My guardian angel…  she saved me and took me under her wing in Tokyo and I will always be grateful for her.  One of those people you have a brief but life-changing encounter with.  If I’m ever down and out, I’ll remember her and know that everything will get better soon.

nerudaPablo Neruda:  For a girl who can be such a “tough-catch,” femme-fatal sort, this poet is capable of reminding me of how it feels to be in love; he makes me want it.  Not even my old journals can do that.

chapelleDave Chapelle:  All encompassing comedian of our time.  If you can’t laugh to Dave, I’m not sure I can be friends with you.  This is serious!

beatlesThe Beatles:  Music of my life. Timeless and always appropriate… when there is nothing, there is The Beatles. And then there is everything. Cliche, but honestly, they’re rejuvenating like sex.

THE END :)  

January 11, 2008 Posted by Erika | Beryl Markham, Chapelle, Chaplin, Home for the Holidays, Mark Twain, Neruda, Obama, Sienna Miller, The Beatles, Thoughts | | 1 Comment