The Result of Perpetual Motion

MARCH 26

THIS IS A BIRTHDAY POST!
It’s my insignificant birthday today. I’m 19 and I have 2 honest things to confess:
I wanted to be 18 forever.
and
My birthday feels like it was yesterday.
BUT IT’S OKAY :)
I’m still very happy it’s my b-day and all I really want to do right now is hop in the shower and then go to the beach. I think I’ll get my nails done and also pack for LA which I head off to tomorrow. I don’t have a pony, and I don’t have breakfast and I’m looking forward to BOTH.

Love ya,
The Birthday Girl

March 26, 2008 Posted by Erika | Nineteen, SLO-Town & My Academic Adventure | , , , | No Comments

Don’t Forget Your Dancing Shoes!!

I’M HOOOME! For the weekend, it’s great. My dad and sis fly in from Boston this afternoon (should be here really soon, actually) But right now Rashell is picking me up and I CAN’T WAIT to see that girl…. honestly, I’m jumping around right now and I’m going to have to make this a super speedy post.

All I wanted to do is say I LOVE THE BAY, and also share with you this website that someone else shared with me. www.TED.com. It’s amazing, has thousands of speeches given by hundreds of amazing people about inspiring things. This one was, in my opinion, especially interesting and also a bit shorter than the rest: On letter writing.

SPRING BREAK BABY this one is going to be awesome. Already is and it’s only the second day :) Enjoy the sunshine, babies… and if it’s cloudy just pretend you’re in paradise and don’t forget your dancing shoes!

March 23, 2008 Posted by Erika | SLO-Town & My Academic Adventure, Sonoma | , , , | 1 Comment

I’m Here Because of Ashley, Too.

” There is one story in particularly that I’d like to leave you with today – a story I told when I had the great honor of speaking on Dr. King’s birthday at his home church, Ebenezer Baptist, in Atlanta.
There is a young, twenty-three year old white woman named Ashley Baia who organized for our campaign in Florence, South Carolina. She had been working to organize a mostly African-American community since the beginning of this campaign, and one day she was at a roundtable discussion where everyone went around telling their story and why they were there.
And Ashley said that when she was nine years old, her mother got cancer. And because she had to miss days of work, she was let go and lost her health care. They had to file for bankruptcy, and that’s when Ashley decided that she had to do something to help her mom.
She knew that food was one of their most expensive costs, and so Ashley convinced her mother that what she really liked and really wanted to eat more than anything else was mustard and relish sandwiches. Because that was the cheapest way to eat.
She did this for a year until her mom got better, and she told everyone at the roundtable that the reason she joined our campaign was so that she could help the millions of other children in the country who want and need to help their parents too.
Now Ashley might have made a different choice. Perhaps somebody told her along the way that the source of her mother’s problems were blacks who were on welfare and too lazy to work, or Hispanics who were coming into the country illegally. But she didn’t. She sought out allies in her fight against injustice.
Anyway, Ashley finishes her story and then goes around the room and asks everyone else why they’re supporting the campaign. They all have different stories and reasons. Many bring up a specific issue. And finally they come to this elderly black man who’s been sitting there quietly the entire time. And Ashley asks him why he’s there. And he does not bring up a specific issue. He does not say health care or the economy. He does not say education or the war. He does not say that he was there because of Barack Obama. He simply says to everyone in the room, “I am here because of Ashley.” ” (Transcript from a portion of Barack Obama’s Speech on Race)
 

And my latest thought is that “life” is a non-religious, eternal optimist’s name for what a Christian might call God…
  • Life presents nothing but lessons, the hard part is figuring out what to learn from them,
  • Life sometimes puts you between a rock and a hard place, but you have to keep faith that it will soon get better, and that it was all meant to happen.
  • Life will give to you what you give to it; Be generous, kind, and patient and you will receive such a nature in return…
  • When you need help, place your wishes into the universe with positivity and faith, and you shall receive whats best for you (even if it wasn’t what you thought you needed.)

These are my core values, and I’m discovering there is actually a faith based on such ideas.

March 20, 2008 Posted by Erika | Obama, SLO-Town & My Academic Adventure | , , | 1 Comment

Show The Love

Today a couple is celebrating their 83rd wedding anniversary, the longest a couple has ever been married in the entire world.  “They don’t have a magic formula to explain the success of their marriage. They just took seriously what they said to each other when they stood at the altar.  “You take your vows, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer,” Mayme said. “I guess you just stick to it, come what may.” “

I take marriage especially seriously (more seriously than most I’d say, even my sisters) because my parents were divorced.  I think one of the reasons divorce rates are so high is because vows seem to have lost their power in a certain sense.  The majority don’t take marriage as seriously as they used to.  Perhaps people lack a certain discipline to remember the promises they made and to work through difficulties.  I also think that people get married too early;  the human mind really becomes stable around the age of thirty.  This isn’t to say you can’t change as a person after 30, but most of the radical growth periods and learning curves have solidified to create the person that you will maintain.  When people marry at a young age without an understanding that they need to grow and learn with one another, sometimes they just grow apart. I never want a divorce.

 On another note, it’s my birthday in exactly one week!  I guess I’m excited, although it’s really not that big of a deal.  I’m a simple girl, I just want a few things for my birthday and you can’t buy them so just show me some love and I’m happy. 

I’m going home this weekend, bringing back my car… I’m stoked on it.  And I have a job at this adorable sandwich shop in SLO, right on Broad Street.  I can’t wait to see my little sister, my parents and my friends… stoked on grocery shopping, stoked for the Citizen Cope concert next week, Palm Desert… mmmm life’s about to get really good.

 

March 19, 2008 Posted by Erika | SLO-Town & My Academic Adventure | | 1 Comment

Woah-oh-oh Gravity

Written at 6 pm:

First of all, I know that the post below was quite boring, although entirely interesting. Was it easy yo tell that Nacirema is American backwards?…I just found it enlightening to read about ones own culture from the perspective of a cultural anthropologist. What we see as normal and every-day is actually pretty ridiculous when looked at through scientific context.

“I have deep faith that the principles of the universe will be beautiful and simple” -Einstein

Today I feel heavy, like gravity increased. Today gravity is working against me, trying to bring me down. It’s taking a lot of effort to keep my chin up, and I know that I’m often much too hard on myself but I can’t seem to help it. I’m almost certain that I won’t be able to sleep tonight. The problem may be that I’m trying to regain my footing too quickly, when all the situation needs is time. I have a difficult time accepting that a decision can untimately and, perhaps, permanantely close doors and alter dynamics. I desperately wish that wouldnt happen.

I’m convinced that if my sister were to see me in this state she would know, within 2 seconds, that I’m not okay. I havent stopped nervously fluttering about, nervously twirling the hair, tracing my hands with my fingers and the plethera of my other nervous habits.

Written at 8:22 am:

Today is a beautiful day. Cheerio’s set the mood, I’m trying to keep my chin up but sometimes it’s difficult when I don’t even notice that I lower it.  Usually my friends are the ones to call me out… it’s just another one of those quirky things that I do, but it sends the wrong body language to the world which is why i need to correct it.

I’m happy that my St. Patties Day was a bust. Home with Lauren this weekend, I can’t WAIT…. get me through get me through.

March 18, 2008 Posted by Erika | SLO-Town & My Academic Adventure | , , | No Comments

Please Read About “The Nacirema”

BODY RITUAL AMONG THE NACIREMA
Horace Miner

From Horace Miner, “Body Ritual among the Nacirema.” Reproduced by permission of the American Anthropological Association from The American Anthropologist, vol. 58 (1956), pp. 503-507.


Most cultures exhibit a particular configuration or style. A single value or pat-
tern of perceiving the world often leaves its stamp on several institutions in the
society. Examples are “machismo” in Spanish-influenced cultures, “face” in
Japanese culture, and “pollution by females” in some highland New Guinea
cultures. Here Horace Miner demonstrates that “attitudes about the body”
have a pervasive influence on many institutions in Nacireman society.The anthropologist has become so familiar with the diversity of ways in which different peoples behave in similar situations that he is not apt to be surprised by even the most exotic customs. In fact, if all of the logically possible combinations of behavior have not been found somewhere in the world, he is apt to suspect that they must be present in some yet undescribed tribe.  This point has, in fact, been expressed with respect to clan organization by Murdock.  In this light, the magical beliefs and practices of the Nacirema present such unusual aspects that it seems desirable to describe them as an example of the extremes to which human behavior can go.    Professor Linton first brought the ritual of the Nacirema to the attention of anthropologists twenty years ago, but the culture of this people is still very poorly understood. They are a North American group living in the territory between the Canadian Creel the Yaqui and Tarahumare of Mexico, and the Carib and Arawak of the Antilles. Little is known of their origin, although tradition states that they came from the east….    Nacirema culture is characterized by a highly developed market economy which as evolved in a rich natural habitat. While much of the people’s time is devoted to economic pursuits, a large part of the fruits of these labors and a considerable portion of the day are spent in ritual activity. The focus of this activity is the human body, the appearance and health of which loom as a dominant concern in the ethos of the people. While such a concern is certainly not unusual, its ceremonial aspects and associated philosophy are unique.

    The fundamental belief underlying the whole system appears to be that the human body is ugly and that its natural tendency is to debility and disease. Incarcerated in such a body, man’s only hope is to avert these characteristics through the use of the powerful influences of ritual and ceremony. Every household has one or more shrines devoted to this purpose. The more powerful individuals in the society have several shrines in their houses and, in fact, the opulence of a house is often referred to in terms of the number of such ritual centers it possesses. Most houses are of wattle and daub construction, but the shrine rooms of the more wealthy are walled with stone. Poorer families imitate the rich by applying pottery plaques to their shrine walls.  While each family has at least one such shrine, the rituals associated with it are not family ceremonies but are private and secret. The rites are normally only discussed with children, and then only during the period when they are being initiated into these mysteries. I was able, however, to establish sufficient rapport with the natives to examine these shrines and to have the rituals described to me.

   The focal point of the shrine is a box or chest which is built into the wall. In this chest are kept the many charms and magical potions without which no native believes he could live. These preparations are secured from a variety of specialized practitioners. The most powerful of these are the medicine men, whose assistance must be rewarded with substantial gifts.  However, the medicine men do not provide the curative potions for their clients, but decide what the ingredients should be and then write them down in an ancient and secret language. This writing is understood only by the medicine men and by the herbalists who, for another gift, provide the required charm.

   The charm is not disposed of after it has served its purpose, but is placed in the charmbox of the household shrine. As these magical materials are specific for certain ills, and the real or imagined maladies of the people are many, the charm-box is usually full to overflowing. The magical packets are so numerous that people forget what their purposes were and fear to use them again. While the natives are very vague on this point, we can only assume that the idea in retaining all the old magical materials is that their presence in the charm-box, before which the body rituals are conducted, will in some way protect the worshipper.

   Beneath the charm-box is a small font. Each day every member of the family, in succession, enters the shrine room, bows his head before the charm-box, mingles different sorts of holy water in the font, and proceeds with a brief rite of ablution. The holy waters are secured from the Water Temple of the community, where the priests conduct elaborate ceremonies to make the liquid ritually pure.

    In the hierarchy of magical practitioners, and below the medicine men in prestige, are specialists whose designation is best translated “holy-mouth-men.” The Nacirema have an almost pathological horror of and fascination with the mouth, the condition of which is believed to have a supernatural influence on all social relationships. Were it not for the rituals of the mouth, they believe that their teeth would fall out, their gums bleed, their jaws shrink, their friends desert them, and their lovers reject them. They also believe that a strong relationship exists between oral and moral characteristics. For example, there is a ritual ablution of the mouth for children which is supposed to improve their moral fiber.

   The daily body ritual performed by everyone includes a mouth-rite. Despite the fact that these people are so punctilious about care of the mouth, this rite involves a practice which strikes the uninitiated stranger as revolting. It was reported to me that the ritual consists of inserting a small bundle of hog hairs into the mouth, along with certain magical powders, and then moving the bundle in a highly formalized series of gestures.

    In addition to the private mouth-rite, the people seek out a holy-mouth-man once or twice a year. These practitioners have an impressive set of paraphernalia, consisting of a variety of augers, awls, probes, and prods. The use of these objects in the exorcism of the evils of the mouth involves almost unbelievable ritual torture of the client. The holy-mouth-man open the clients mouth and, using the above mentioned tools, enlarges any holes which decay may have created in the teeth. Magical materials are put into these holes. If there age no naturally occurring holes in the teeth, large sections of one or more teeth are gouged out so that the supernatural substance can be applied. In the client’s view, the purpose of these ministrations is to arrest decay and to draw friends. The extremely sacred and traditional character of the rite is evident in the fact that the natives return to the holy–mouth-men year after year, despite the fact  that their teeth continue to decay.

    It is to be hoped that, when a thorough  study of the Nacirema is made, there will  be careful inquiry into the personality  structure of these people. One has but to  watch the gleam in the eye of a holy-  mouth-man, as he jabs an awl into an  exposed nerve, to suspect that a certain  amount of sadism is involved. If this can be  established, a very interesting pattern  emerges, for most of the population shows  definite masochistic tendencies. It was to  these that Professor Linton referred in discussing a distinctive part of the daily  body ritual which is performed only by  men. This part of the rite involves scraping  and lacerating the surface of the face with a  sharp instrument. Special women’s rites are  performed only four times during each  lunar month, but what they lack in  frequency is made up in barbarity. As part  of this ceremony, women bake their heads  in small ovens for about an hour. The  theoretically interesting point is that what  seems to be a preponderantly masochistic  people have developed sadistic specialists.

    The medicine men have an imposing  temple, or latipso, in every community of  any size. The more elaborate ceremonies  required to treat very sick patients can only  be performed at this temple. These ceremonies involve not only the thaumaturge  but a permanent group of vestal maidens  who move sedately about the temple  chambers in distinctive costume and head-  dress.

    The latipso ceremonies are so harsh that  it is phenomenal that a fair proportion of  the really sick natives who enter the temple The concept of culture  ever recover. Small children whose indoctrination is still incomplete have been  known to resist attempts to take them to  the temple because “that is where you go to  die.” Despite this fact, sick adults are not  only willing but eager to undergo the  protracted ritual purification, if they can  afford to do so. No matter how ill the  supplicant or how grave the emergency, the  guardians of many temples will not admit a  client if he cannot give a rich gift to the  custodian. Even after one has gained admission and survived the ceremonies, the  guardians will not permit the neophyte to  leave until he makes still another gift.

    The supplicant entering the temple is  first stripped of all his or her clothes. In  everyday life the Nacirema avoids exposure  of his body and its natural functions.  Bathing and excretory acts are performed  only in the secrecy of the household shrine,  where they are ritualized as part of the  body-rites. Psychological shock results  from the fact that body secrecy is suddenly  lost upon entry into the latipso. A man,  whose own wife has never seen him in an  excretory act, suddenly finds himself naked  and assisted by a vestal maiden while he  performs his natural functions into a sacred  vessel. This sort of ceremonial treatment is  necessitated by the fact that the excreta are  used by a diviner to ascertain the course  and nature of the client’s sickness. Female  clients, on the other hand, find their naked  bodies are subjected to the scrutiny,  manipulation and prodding of the medicine  men.

    Few supplicants in the temple are well  enough to do anything but lie on their  hard  beds. The daily ceremonies, like the rites of  the holy-mouth-men, involve discomfort  and torture. With ritual precision, the  vestals awaken their miserable charges each  dawn and roll them about on their beds of  pain while performing ablutions, in the  formal movements of which the maidens are highly trained. At other times they  insert magic wands in the supplicant’s  mouth or force him to eat substances which  are supposed to be healing. From time to  time the medicine men come to their clients  and jab magically treated needles into their  flesh. The fact that these temple ceremonies  may not cure, and may even kill the  neophyte, in no way decreases the people’s  faith in the medicine men.

    There remains one other kind of  practitioner, known as a “listener.” This  witchdoctor has the power to exorcise the  devils that lodge in the heads of people who  have been bewitched. The Nacirema  believe that parents bewitch their own  children. Mothers are particularly suspected of putting a curse on children while  teaching them the secret body rituals. The  counter-magic of the witchdoctor is unusual in its lack of ritual. The patient simply tells the “listener” all his troubles and  fears, beginning with the earliest difficulties  he can remember. The memory displayed  by the Nacirerna in these exorcism sessions  is truly remarkable. It is not uncommon for  the patient to bemoan the rejection he felt  upon being weaned as a babe, and a few  individuals even see their troubles going  back to the traumatic effects of their own  birth.

    In conclusion, mention must be made of  certain practices which have their base in  native esthetics but which depend upon the  pervasive aversion to the natural body and  its functions. There are ritual fasts to make  fat people thin and ceremonial feasts to  make thin people fat. Still other rites are  used to make women’s breasts larger if they  are small, and smaller if they are large.  General dissatisfaction with breast shape is symbolized in the fact that the ideal form is virtually outside the range of human   variation. A few women afflicted with almost inhuman hyper-mamrnary development are so idolized that they make a   handsome living by simply going from village to village and permitting the natives to stare at them for a fee.

    Reference has already been made to the   fact that excretory functions are ritualized,   routinized, and relegated to secrecy. Natural reproductive functions are similarly distorted. Intercourse is taboo as a topic and scheduled as an act. Efforts are made to   avoid pregnancy by the use of magical   materials or by limiting intercourse to certain phases of the moon. Conception is   actually very infrequent. When pregnant, women dress so as to hide their condition.  Parturition takes place in secret, without   friends or relatives to assist, and the majority of women do not nurse their infants.

    Our review of the ritual life of the Nacirema has certainly shown them to be a   magic-ridden people. It is hard to un-derstand how they have managed to exist   so long under the burdens which they have   imposed upon themselves. But even such   exotic customs as these take on real   meaning when they are viewed with the insight provided by Malinowski when he   wrote:

    “Looking from far and above, from our  high places of safety in the developed civilization, it is easy to see all the crudity and irrelevance of magic. But without its power and guidance early man could not   have mastered his practical difficulties as he has done, nor could man have advanced to the higher stages of civilization.”

References
Linton, Ralph. 1936. The Study of Man. New York: D. Appleton-Century.
Malinowski, Bronislaw. 1948. Magic, Science, and Religion.  Glencoe, Ill.: The Free Press.
Murdock, George P.  1949. Social Structure.  New York:  Macmillan.

March 17, 2008 Posted by Erika | SLO-Town & My Academic Adventure, Thoughts | , , , | 1 Comment

My Mental State, Conveyed Through Quotations

Honestly, I dont really know what to write today. I just feel like I need to begin and hope that I go somewhere with it, but I feel at a loss…

“I’m not confused, I’m just well mixed.”

“Yes, if there is such a thing as one, I am one. — People like me are aware of their so-called genius at ten, eight, nine. . . . I always wondered, “Why has nobody discovered me?” In school, didn’t they see that I’m cleverer than anybody in this school? That the teachers are stupid, too? That all they had was information that I didn’t need? I got…lost in being at high school. I used to say to me auntie, “You throw my…poetry out, and you’ll regret it when I’m famous, ” and she threw the bastard stuff out. I never forgave her for not treating me like a…genius or whatever I was, when I was a child. It was obvious to me. Why didn’t they put me in art school? Why didn’t they train me? Why would they keep forcing me to be a…cowboy like the rest of them? I was different, I was always different. Why didn’t anybody notice me? A couple of teachers would notice me, encourage me to be something or other, to draw or to paint - express myself. But most of the time they were trying to beat me into being a…dentist or a teacher. And then the…fans tried to beat me into being a…Beatle or an Engelbert Humperdinck, and the critics tried to beat me into being Paul McCartney.”
-John Lennon, responding to the question “Are you a genius?”

“At two-tenths the speed of light, dust and atoms might not do significant damage even in a voyage of 40 years, but the faster you go, the worse it is–space begins to become abrasive. When you begin to approach the speed of light, hydrogen atoms become cosmic-ray particles, and they will fry the crew. …So 60,000 kilometers per second may be the practical speed limit for space travel.”

I feel like existentialism. I feel like The Talking Heads (How did I get here?) I feel like a passenger on this tiny, whirling, floating bright blue pea and I have no say in the matter. I quite like it, but sometimes I just need a moment to myself. Sometimes I feel like I wish I were Heidi, living sweetly and simply in the mountains with not much more than some goats, fresh spring water and 2 beautiful braided pigtails.

March 16, 2008 Posted by Erika | Life, SLO-Town & My Academic Adventure, The Beatles, Thoughts | , , , , | 1 Comment

It’s Pretty Cute, But I’m Still Skeptical:

 Tom Ackerman for The New York Times

If You’re Young and Not Fainthearted

Published: March 13, 2008
MONSTROUS cinema villains are not, as a rule, inspired dressers. They usually go for some moldering garment that suggests they shopped in a victim’s dirty laundry pile rather than the racks of Jeffrey New York.

 But they do have a way with accessories: Freddy Krueger and his fedora; Jason and that jaunty hockey mask. Chic, right? And “Funny Games,” opening on Friday, puts sharp style right up front, as two young men, nattily dressed as if for a Hamptons summer lunch, drop by to terrorize a vacationing family. As the white-gloved Paul puts it, “It’s easier when things are polite.”

However enigmatic the statement is in context, it gets right at a key point in men’s style — that is, dandyish one-upmanship. And if you think such movies strain credulity when the villains come back to life despite repeated puncture wounds, take a look, if you will, at the bow tie.

Only a few years ago it was all but left for dead; men were ditching it even as part of a tuxedo. But as seen at the Academy Awards ceremony last month, the name of the game for many men, Daniel Day-Lewis among them, is Bow Tie: Resurrection.

Of course, as with spontaneously regenerating killers, the numbers are small. But the increase is marked, especially among men in their 20s. “We didn’t really have a bow tie business till this season,” said Tommy Fazio, the men’s fashion director at Bergdorf Goodman. “And it’s really taken off.”

On eBay, a good resource for anyone experimenting with a look, sales of bow ties jumped 34 percent from December 2007 to February 2008. And for men who are no longer dabbling, there are now bow ties from fashionable lines like Lanvin, Thom Browne and Michael Bastian.

Randy Hanauer, the owner of bowties.com, based in Fort Mill, S.C., said his business has spiked in the last two years. “All the growth is coming from young people,” he said. “I’d say guys from senior year in high school to about 25. It goes along with all the seersucker and madras they’ve gotten into. This generation likes to dress up and look nice, unlike the generation prior to them.” (Hello, 40-somethings?)

“We love the bow tie,” said Tanner Graham, 26, an account manager at Laird & Partners, an advertising firm in New York (and a champion of the royal “we”). “I enjoyed wearing ties when it wasn’t necessary, and this is like taking it to the next level.”

Many men do not know how to tie a bow tie, but even if they do, Mr. Graham said: “A lot of guys are afraid to pull it off. They don’t think they can be taken seriously in a bow tie.”

So, he said, “One-upmanship is definitely a component.”

For those who want to learn, the easiest and best instruction comes from Lucky Levinson, an owner of Brittons, a clothier in Columbia, S.C. His charming YouTube video, “How to Tie a Bow Tie,” should make him the Tim Gunn of Southern-gent style.

Indeed, if you take your fashion cues from obscure Belgian designers, you may be chagrined to learn that the bow tie’s comeback originated on Southern college campuses. But then, a city man will want to wear his bow tie with clothes that have a sharper edge than seersucker. It looks sharp with jeans, a white shirt and a solid sport coat, say; or wear a formal black bow tie as an accent, instead of a more colorful and wholesome one. The idea is to avoid a costume-ish look — Southern gentry, Ivy League professor, classical architect, 1960s geek — while hinting at some romantically out-of-it, bespectacled antihero.

“What I like about the bow tie is that it’s both old-fashioned and somehow clearly current,” said Alexander Olch, a fashionable young tie designer whose new line of bow ties is sold at that bastion of T-shirt chic, Opening Ceremony.

Like most new bow tie makers, Mr. Olch makes only the kind you tie yourself. The pre-tied bow has come a long way (the ones at Etro are great), but for the bow tie’s new fans, tying it on is more central to its charm than having it look perfect.

“A bow tie is more formal, right down to the knot,” Mr. Olch pointed out. “You can’t loosen a bow tie like you can a necktie.”

This may appeal to formalists. Others, however, may see it as one more reason to drive a gold tie tack through its knotted heart.

March 14, 2008 Posted by Erika | SLO-Town & My Academic Adventure | , , , | No Comments

My Eternal Optimism & Perfection is Still Perfect

It’s super late right now but I can’t sleep because of a few things. First of all, my roommate came home tonight with this horrible heartbreaking situation, and my advice to her suprised even myself. I’m beginning to understand my own spirituality, but when I listened to the advice I gave her it became a personal epiphany.
Not even speaking of God, I”m speaking about the importance of keeping faith. Faith in life, faith in yourself, faith in the goodness of man, faith that everything will get better, faith in the hidden gift of really bad situations, and faith that each situation that presents itself holds a lesson to be learned. Faith in these things is like blood in your veins, your body feeds off of it. Keeping this faith is why we have religion, and even though I don’t have a religion sometimes I feel as though the only thing that seperates me from religion is the way I spend my sunday mornings (best when quiet with yogurt and tea and a laptop) and the books I cherish most, like my slam poetry books and all 10 of my old, beaten journals.

The other reason why I’m awake right now is because I’m still quietly smitten by this boy and I just don’t know what to do with myself. I’m going to take the advice of my friends and not force myself to get over it because I deserve to have these feelings. The only thing is, I deserve to be adored as much in return. Even though at this point his actions tell me he doesn’t feel the way that I do, sometimes I catch his eyes and I see something that makes me think differently for a split second.

But honestly I shouldn’t write about this on here. It’s too public! The link to my blog is on my Myspace and Facebook and I honestly have no idea why so many people read this thing and I don’t know who they are and for all I know HE’s read it and then everyone will eventually know and what if HE knows? And wouldn’t it be nice if I had such a resource to him as a blog? Then maybe i’d be able to save myself from public heartache.

Then again, maybe now is where I keep the faith.

March 12, 2008 Posted by Erika | SLO-Town & My Academic Adventure | | 2 Comments

What I Want, What I Really Really Want.

I know that I’m asking too much of most people with my desire for them to be straight forward. My life experience has taught me that in order to move on from misunderstandings and arguments quickly, it must be discussed in an honest, calm manner with an open mind. Unfortunately few people are really able to do that and it’s a shame!

I find myself getting annoyed about having to read into body language and other subtle messages in order to really understand what someone is saying. I prefer someone to cordially tell me what they want, need or desire. Is this a character flaw of mine? I just always find it much easier to say whats on my mind; since none of my thoughts have bad intentions I feel I have no reason not to be honest. But am I straight forward to a fault? Because no one else seems to be following trend and I feel confused!

Today I hiked to the top of the mountain behind my house… it looks like the sound of music with buttercups and clovers and poppies everywhere. The grass is bright green and short and I know that mountain is my new place. All I need is a book, some iced tea and some sunshine… I’m a happy girl.

My restless frustration grows
like virgin green vines across
a red brick wall.
Bright bricks made up of
yes I can! and yes I am!
stack thick and high
but
the metaphor stops there.

How sturdy my wall if
compromised so easily?

Without a word,
my chin to my chest
smooth thighs pressed together
like a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.

I begin to,
I almost do,
for a fleeting moment you
have my wall–
and I gave it, too.

My gift opens its glossy, ebony wings.
A crow at dawn, it
slowly flies a steady line
toward the horizon.
Relieved; my feelings,
like a ripe red bottle of Cabernet,
are left uncorked.

–h.m.”

Annnd check this out:

“Blogger Erika reports that Obama is a “beautiful, quaint fishing town with lush green hills, beautiful coastlines, and yummy sea food. They also specialize in luxury chopsticks.” “

I’m stoked.

March 10, 2008 Posted by Erika | Friends, Life, SLO-Town & My Academic Adventure, Thoughts, Wine | , , , , | 1 Comment