The Result of Perpetual Motion

Last night was incredible. I’m still in the “pinch-me” phase of the event… I cannot believe that I saw Bret and Jermaine live, up close, in person. In San Francisco. In the living, breathing, laughing, singing, beautiful sexy hotness that is Flight of the Conchords. You should have seen me before the show, I was embarrassing all of my friends and hooting and hollering a skipping and jumping– we got from Rashell’s house in the Excelsior district to our seats in a half an hour. That’s how excited I was. And when FoTC came on stage, my eyes welled up and a gleam of sweat appeared on my arms and chest and on the back of my neck and a huge grin came across my face and I sort of nearly hyperventilated for a second. That went away eventually but the grin never left my face. Not at any point was I not smiling.

GOD they’re sexy. Oh my god he’s so hot… he’s like a curry… if I tell him how hot he is he’ll think I’m being sexist… he’s so hot he’s making me sexist… asshole! No but really, I shouldn’t even continue about how crazy I am about Bret and Jermaine or people will seriously question my sanity. Let me just say, I’d have either of their children.

My battery is going to die in a second, but here is a movie and some pictures for your viewing pleasure. These are from a party in San Francisco with my friiiends, while my bunny slept in the car with plenty of air and water and berry nibblers and don’t worry I know it sounds terrible but it was only for a few hours and he told me he really enjoyed his stay in the beautiful city of San Francisco so his bunny vacation was constructive.

I kind of went crazy on the videos I just can’t get enough of these guys… I love them more than I love Barack Obama and Carrie Bradshaw, combined. Each video is fabulous, you should watch them. But if you don’t that’s okay too. I guess…. we just won’t be friends any more is all.

Brace yourself for my ADD; this post is going to be all over the place.  Right now I’m watchig The Buzz on Sex and The City and WOWIE WOWIE WOWOW WOAH MAMAAAAA!  Right now I’m going to harness my strong desire to express myself through exclamation points and capitalization and use my words like a big girl.

I am so excited for Sex and The City that when I think about it my heart rate increases.  So excited that I’m wearing my pj’s, my highest high heels and I’ve occasionally been getting up to pose in the mirror, attempting to fasten creative things into my hair (since Carrie Bradshaw will wear almost anything on her head.)  I need a dress and some Manolo’s and I think I’ll need to take off my cheesy french manicure…  I need to buy martini glasses and spanish olives for my girls and me…  I need a cocktail dress… I’ve got my girlfriends, I’ve got my blog, I’ve got the city… what else, what else… Sex and The City…. I’m missing something, I feel like I’m missing something……………………….

Anyway  What’s more: I’m even more excited for tonight!! Flight of the Conchords.  I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

Tomorrow is going to be an interesting day as well…  Not that I’m a player or anything, but when it rains it pours and I’ve got a lunch date and a dinner date on Wednesday.  Sometimes I feel like I’ve dated too much for someone my age… when I say “date”  I don’t mean more than a few with each boy because I usually get scared and hide after that point.  I also refer to the boys as: “that boy.”  As in, “Mom I’ll see you later I’m going out with that boy tonight.” To which my mom says, “I don’t know which boy you’re talking about because you never refer to them by name!”  They’re all very interesting boys though… Judo expert, a racecar driver, a mechanical engineering major, a drama major, a cello player, a skater, an artist, a techy, a jock…  I love meeting new people, they’re all great guys, I always pay for my half of the date (few argue at that  )  Anyway, tomorrow is kind of crazy though, I don’t normally do something like this but hey… both of the guys are kind of players so I figure, well… I figure I can play that game, too.

My mom doesn’t like that I tend to portray this sort of shallow image.  She thinks I’m much deeper than I often lead people to think, and she’s right but I think it’s up to others to discover that.  My wall is my projection of a carefree, wild, independent, flirtatious party girl type and we all have our own wall so I think that’s fine.

I watched The Patriot last night with Tina and I feel a renewed sense of patriotism.  Also, my favorite magazine (The Sun) has a theme of patriotism this month. I guess when it rains patriotism, it pours patriotism.

“Since this is an emergency, all robots now have their patriotism circuits activated.”-Commander Zapp Brannigan on Futurama

Now I’m going to coffee with my friend Anita and then I’m going to make my FoTC shirt and leave for SF at 5 with Bryanne and Leah! YEEEE!

I know it’s been a long time since I last posted, but that isn’t to say I haven’t written… The following segments are partial blog posts that I’ve begun and was unable to publish over the past few days. It had been so long since I wrote this first portion that when I found it and read it, I didn’t even think I was the one who wrote it! The thought crossed my mind that I’d forgotten to log out of my blog account and someone went on and wrote me a letter.  It nearly took the wind out of me…! I thought “Holy shit, who wrote this.  I feel as though this person has known me my whole life…”  ALAS, I have.  I can be SUCH a dummy.

#1:

Dear Erika,
Out of utter confusion as to who youre writing for these days, you chose to begin at the root and write to yourself. To be perfectly honest, it’s past three in the morning and you can’t go to sleep. Lauren is asleep on the couch and you feel slightly jealous of her slow breathing right now…

You have too much going on in your mind to sleep.

#2:

I always like to think that the greatest challenge for a writer is to express themselves when they don’t feel like expressing, and to write when they don’t feel like writing. This exercise is extremely difficult, especially for stubborn people like me who think too much with their hearts. If I don’t feel like doing something, I’ll be damned if I do it. And if I want to accomplish something there is, quite honestly, few things or people that can stop me. I’m hyper tonight so I’ll be jumping around a lot, especially since I don’t feel like writing. At the moment I’m simply spouting off the top of my head so as not to neglect my blogging obligations.

I worked out hardcore this morning and my arms are really sore. I decided that I want to train for a 5k this summer to set my mind on something… as if Boston, John Mayer, Coldplay, summer school, and 2 jobs are not enough… My friend Peter thinks that girls peak at 22, in terms of looks and everything. I refuse to prove him right. How tragic!! That means I’d only have a few years left! But my mom is still beautiful, so I’m not very worried. I exercise, eat a low fat diet, wear sunscreen on my face, perhaps occasionally I drink more than the New York Times science journal recommends but hey. It’s the time and the place.

I gave myself a beautiful manicure today, cleaned out my car, hung out with my bunny, laughed with my roommates, ate vine ripe peaches on the beach, ran up the ridge behind my house… last night i spent the night at Eva’s and we slept waaay in. The alarm went off at 7am but we ended up waking up a 9:30 and I cooked us breakfast (delish.)

Not to freak anyone out, but last night I had a dream that I was like 8 and 3/4 months pregnant. I actually felt preggers, and everyone was commenting on how I looked like I “was going to burst at any moment!” or “wow! talk about a bun in the oven!” What is the DEAL with these dreams? HUH??
I mean, there is no way that I could actually be preggers, but what do the baby dreams mean? They are among the most vivid, auditory, realistic dreams I’ve ever had. What. Da. Deal.

Hugo e-mailed me today I miss that boy!! He lives in England but spent last summer in Sonoma. We met during his last few weeks in the US and we barely parted for his remaining duration. I showed him around, and we and grew to be quite fond of him… it was so cute, I’d call him when I was outside his house and he’d hurry out with his hair wet, with his baseball hat and his “jumper” and sometimes his breakfast or lunch, smelling so fresh and delicious! Hahaha I’m such a goober for recalling all of it but honestly, I was unusually unsettled to see him go.

I should not be permitted to buy peanut butter since I can barely restrain myself from eating it with a spoon.

#3:

Last night around 10:13 pm I arrived at a friends house to visit… we talked about 8th grade and watched the end of No Country For Old Men and at 11:37, upon leaving, we discovered that my car had been broken into.

It really isn’t a big deal at all, none of the windows were broken (and I’m actually %100 sure that I locked my car) The only things that were stolen were papers (easily replaced) and 6 of my friends CD’s. The neighbor’s car was also broken into (she was sure that she locked her car), and there were at least 5 other reports last night, said our friend who listens to the police radio on boring Sonoma nights.

To give you a feel for how small my town is, I knew both of the officers that came to the scene and we chatted about the Easter Bunny and joked that this would be front page news today. Then after the whole debacle, as we were turning onto 5th St. W. a car flew by going 46 in the 25 zone. We knew the 4runner, so we called them to harass them about their speed and inquire where they were going so quickly. Our narrow escape from death by the hands of a petty thief was delightfully recounted and they took an equal amount of interest in our plight.

I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD.

I’M HOOOME! For the weekend, it’s great. My dad and sis fly in from Boston this afternoon (should be here really soon, actually) But right now Rashell is picking me up and I CAN’T WAIT to see that girl…. honestly, I’m jumping around right now and I’m going to have to make this a super speedy post.

All I wanted to do is say I LOVE THE BAY, and also share with you this website that someone else shared with me. www.TED.com. It’s amazing, has thousands of speeches given by hundreds of amazing people about inspiring things. This one was, in my opinion, especially interesting and also a bit shorter than the rest: On letter writing.

SPRING BREAK BABY this one is going to be awesome. Already is and it’s only the second day Enjoy the sunshine, babies… and if it’s cloudy just pretend you’re in paradise and don’t forget your dancing shoes!

Written a few days ago but forgot to publish: I was right about Into the Wild.  I considered putting that movie right behind Pulp Fiction on my favorites list, but the ending shook me so hard I need to sit on it a while.  The photography was amazing, as was the acting.  I couldn’t help but see some of myself in the main character, although be was much more extreme than I.  The tough part is, it took him many months and solitary living in Alaska to discover the same conclusion I had come to after 2 months alone in Japan:  Happiness is meant to be shared.  We’re humans. We’re social, loving creatures, and the ending to that movie was so tragic…. I can’t get it out of my mind. Today:Today, I am home.  I came home unexpectedly for the weekend and it feels like a glove.  Sonoma has never felt so good, and I think its because I don’t consider it my town anymore.  I don’t “own” it, and I don’t really know anyone here anymore.  Or maybe it just doesn’t feel like I do.  Not having the feeling that I know everyone, and not feeling territorial of this valley I’m able to gain a different aspect.  A simple and beautiful perspective of this town that can only be gained from leaving it, and succeeding. Last night I had a dinner with just my parents.  To me, the situation and the ambiance were so beautiful and complex an artistic cinematographer should have captured it.  I slept like someone who has had a million different things on their mind does when they’ve been taken into safe arms.  My feeling in life right now is so unique and amazing I hardly know if there are adjectives to describe it or give it justice… it feels like potent force, stability, enthusiasm for learning and living, and it feels like love.  It feels like love escaping my body in every way possible.  To say this is not to say that I’m in love, its to say that I do love; I love life, I love my life.  This morning my dad and I rode our cruiser bikes around town and got coffee together.  It was a crisp spring morning and the sun was in a perfect place in the sky and the daffodils and cherry blossoms have bloomed.  Coffee, and then I met up with my mom for a Gorgonzola salad, manicures/pedicures and a new purple lace bra.  Adorable, isn’t it?  Now my mama and I are watching a movie and watching the velvety sunset over the pretty mountains and we’re about to eat a delicious dinner.  This evening I’m accompanying my dad to pick up my little sister at the airport.  She doesn’t know I’m here, and when I see her I plan on hugging her for much, much too long.  And there we have it, my current life situation… all it needs is a dash of earnest affection and a twist of lust.

10:00 AM

Today is my last day in Sonoma.  I’m leaving tonight for San Luis Obispo, and even though I feel pretty much tip-top I must be having a difficult time on some level because I just cried for the first time in months. It was just a few tears, but I tried to push it as far along as possible– remember when you’d do that as a kid?  I would push that cry along as hard as I could!  I’d focus on it, focus on the tears and pity myself for crying until I couldn’t fake it any longer.  Mind you, this was an exercise that (oddly enough) I’d do for my own sake, or for pity from the parents; by no means was I a bratty child.  I hope others can relate to my crying technique or else then I wouldn’t know what to think about myself!

6:00 PM

All my bags are packed, and I’m ready to go.  Annnnnd thats as far as I’m going to follow John Denver… My family is having Red Grape (my favorite) for dinner and then we’re hittin’ the road and I feel very prepared and excited.  The feeling that I have right now is hard to define.  I feel like its a really big deal that I’m moving out, but I hate to show it.  I want to hug my little sister and tell her to be a good girl, not to give my dad any flack, and to remember if she ever needs a vacation or some condoms, i’m here to help her out.  That might be my dramatic side wanting to show itself…  But really, I don’t know the next time I’ll be back here.  I’m going to school year round and its just really strange to think how much will have happened between now and the next time I come home.  That’s the characteristic of change, I guess.

As of lately, I really need to post more often… i’m sorry!

 I had my last day at Starbucks a few days ago and I was bummed on it.  Starbucks was my first job ever, and it became a lot more to me than just hourly wage.  I made some amazing friends, not only coworkers but customers as well.  I was working there when not much felt right and well in my life; I always felt good at my job and it served as a healthy distraction for me during some tough times.  However, its time to move on and i’m ready for this change.

I drove Ashley to the airport last night. She’s heading back to Boston and her friend went with her.  It was sad to say goodbye… i’m always really terrible at goodbyes! I think I feel uncomfortable if i let myself get emotional or acknowledging that i may not see the person for a long time, or in some cases ever again.  I prefer the lighthearted TTFN, as Tigger would call it (Ta Ta For Now).

My sister and have such a complex, amazing relationship.  In some ways, i can’t imagine us being more different from each other.  We can be polar opposites, like 2 sides of a coin.  But in the same respect, you have to have the heads and the tails for it to be a quarter. We need one another, and even though we can be so different, we both understand that we’re in this together.  And so, our relationship works beautifully.

I’m feeling really stressed out lately with moving to SLO and getting everything situated.  I’ve noticed something about myself, too.  When I make a change, or a leap, if you will, I can’t be hasty about it. I hate feeling like the timing isnt quite right…. like when you’re waiting for a wave.  But when i feel prepared i’m like BOOM! I make that leap, or catch that wave with a big grin on my face and I don’t look back.  The right time is coming, Eva. I hope you can understand what I mean, I’ll be down there soon… please don’t be irritated with me, my ducks are almost in a row!

 So last on the agenda: whats with bad timing? And why do some situations feel all too familiar?  I think “bad timing” may not necessicarily be “bad”… rather, different than what we want, which is to say, what we want may not be the best thing for us.  And who really even knows whats best? I like what feels good; my intuition is usually pretty decent, but occasionally leads me astray. Right now i find myself in a situation that i’ve been in once before and although i’m trying to deal with it in a smart way, so that history doesnt repeat itself, i find myself constantly realizing how seperate the mind and the body are. My better judgement can easily take a back seat to, say, desire? Or something of the sort? While understanding that we can’t be logical all of the time, when do we draw the line? I think it’s when our decisions can hurt other people… and there you have it. I may have just given myself some very useful advice.

You were a great, great year. Its New Years Eve, my best friends birthday, and i’m brushing my teeth while i type this. Or, rather, i’m sucking on my toothbrush since i need both hands to type. I tend to do too many things at once. So i havent been home for over a week (except for the occasional stop-by to restock panties and other such things). This week has been amazing, and i just feel so happy doing my thing i can’t even tell you. I’ve spent the night at Rashell’s new place in the city, at Rayna’s place in the city, at Raynas home in SR, at Eva’s place in SR, and at my mom’s studio. I can’t really explain why at certain periods and times in my life i really cling to my friends more than anything. The great part is, they embrace me also and we find each other as close to family as anything can get.  I feel a bit strange because my sister is here in Sonoma, home from Boston and i havent been hanging out with her very much. I guess its mostly my fault and i’m sorry for that Ash. But its hard for me to be home sometimes! And its not my sister that i don’t want to be around, its the home enviornment.How strange is this: as humans and family members, we can go off on our own, establish our own lives, find ourselves outside of the limits our familys give us, create a routine that we find works for us as an individual, and ultimately discover the person within us uninfluenced by our family and we thrive, yet as soon as we step into the family enviornment, it can feel as if we are 12 years old again. 12 years old and right back to the old family dynamics (the scapegoat, the black sheep, the “good girl”, the troublemaker, the “failure”, the fragile one… etc etc) Thats what can be so difficult for people and the Holiday season. Its nostalgic, and some of us don’t like to reminisce on the past. For some of us, it doesnt feel good.It used to really bother me that my little sister would yell, “…you love your friends more than your family!” But its become much easier for me to allow them to repeat the same old phrases over and over, and so I pity the trouble of it all and simply watch from another perch, in some sense. I guess what i’m trying to say is that its easier for me to stay out of it now, but it also really pushes me away when they go right back to those family dynamics. I don’t get into it, but i also cant be there and deal with it. I have to stay away from it, and i find myself in situations such as this where I havent been home in over 7 days! But what an amazing week its been, and oh how much i love my friends (not more than my family, let me remind you. But in a different way that feels satisfying and is also a lot for fun to be around.) Tonight is New Years… I’m wearing a black little number with curly hair… its like a sexy little cupcake type of vibe, should be fun. The girls all have adorable dresses and the party is at wes and adrians. We’re drinking vodka tonics and champagne, and i’m pretty sure this is the 5th or 6th year running… I think its my favorite tradition ;)  Soooo HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL! My next post will be my new years resolutions. I hope everyone has a great night and I hope this year is going to kick as much ass as I expect it to. Love, Erika

Its been a bizarre past few days here in Sonoma, let me tell you. Great fun, but wierd… mostly because the Holidays bring everyone together in a strange, “small-world” type of way. So if you decide to sneak to the store for some eggs at 9am, you can’t get through the situation any sooner than a half hour because you run into pretty much everyone and their mom. The town is crowded with familiar people, which makes for fun times and a generous amout of drama and gossip. Holidays in Sonoma are SO cute.

This past week i helped my best friend move into her new pad in San Francisco and its just really exciting! It makes me really want to get moving with my own, independent life… I cant wait to get a new routine and meet new people and live on my own. I love my best friend, too. Just thought i’d add that… she’s the best.

Last night my dad threw a dinner party with his Japanese students in celebration of Christmas and I invited a few of my friends over to join us. Five of us finished 5 bottles of amazing wine and wound up substantially shloshed. The rest of the course of the night is hazy, but i remember running barefoot down the street, having tyler pick us up, drinking hot chocolate and laughing a lot. GOOD TIMES!

Santa comes tonight, and i still need to finish wraping my presents. It takes me a long time because its like an art project to me; i adorn gems and bows and stickers etc. Its great fun, it really is.

I feel very pleased with my gifts for christmas and I feel like this is going to be a good one. I work tomorrow also, which is (in my opinion) great. I get to get out of the house, see all the people that i love and have a blast. Thats what work is like for me… i’m wearing a santa hat i think.

HAppy Holidays. I hope everyone is in good company and feeling loved because in the end thats all we really need…… but awesome gifts are cool too.

XOXO,Erika