and I’d like to stay that way.”
I don’t understand why, but talking to my dad on the phone today almost brought me to tears. He stuck his hand out to help me while I’m feeling really insecure and overwhelmed, in terms of my current living condition. My insomnia is back like a lurking shadow, and when someone extends help to me in a time like now it makes me want to cry with gratitude. I have a hard time asking for or accepting help. I’ve learned to say a bashful “yes, please” when someone offers it, but asking is still difficult for me to do.
Another thought: I take movies waaay to personally! Last night Amy, Eva and I went to see 27 Dresses and it really made me hurt with heartache. I felt sick and exhausted of love. And when the movie was over I felt as though I was the one whos dreams came true… I wish I could say this problem is something I’m going to try to correct; strengthen my mind by learning to be impervious to dramatic movies… but its something I’m not going to try to improve about myself because theres a lack of lust in my life and I’ll take what I can get! If a movie makes me feel giddy and passionate, let it be. I hate to admit that not much else has in quite some time.
Still storming… Sociology tomorrow and I’m stoked! I’m trying to maintain optimism, and I will. We all get the blues, its how you deal with it that counts. So i’m going to curl up and read and hopefully fall asleep before 2am. Later gator 🙂