God, Growth, Life, love, SLO-Town & My Academic Adventure, Thoughts

Heavy Stuff: My Heart & Higher Power

GO AWAY CRUSH! I got it baaaad. I got it real bad. But I’m going to ignore this crush until it goes away, talk myself out of it or something. I don’t want any distractions in my life right now! I really want to maintain my focus on school and feeling really happy… But as it is, I’m not finding it easy to concentrate. God this sucks/feels really great. Like my heart is heavy but it’s also flittering around in my chest and I’m just going to try to enjoy my feelings since I haven’t felt this way for a long time. Smitten, but I need to get my head in the situation so that I don’t float awaaaay! Do you know what I mean?

This is how I am right now:

“Erika! Whats up!…. Erikaaaa, hey hellow Eriiikaaa. Any one home? Erika! Snap out of it!”

“What, huh?? Oh HEY! Sorry, I was drifting off… Whats up?”

“Ummm… you’re a wierdo.”

That’s how I am right now, unable to function in society.

What if we all wore t-shirts with our current thoughts/mental state written on them? You didn’t have to read any body language, and as you walk down the street you pass “Still Asleep” and “Angry At My Boss” and “I Just Found Out I’m Pregnant.” Just a thought…

I DID, in fact, chip my tooth. Nothing bad, nothing urgent I just think it’s bizarre that I did it while writing my blog post! My dentist’s son goes to Cal Poly, maybe I can get her to bring her tools down the next time she visits.

Almost Phriday… get me though, get me through.

Last of all, I’m searching for God. I recently realized that I’ve been trying to gain understanding of God. Because I wasn’t raised with God its really hard for me to comprehend religion, much like it would be for someone who was raised with God to try to understand living life without. I’m not necessarily seeking religion, simply understanding… Can the meaning of God be different to many people? It is. Yet the name “God” doesn’t express the difference and range of the meaning. Isn’t a rose by any other name just as sweet? Am I making any sense right now? I probably sound so silly to those who are religious, but can I call God by a different name?

I want to know that there is a higher power.

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2 thoughts on “Heavy Stuff: My Heart & Higher Power

  1. About your crush…I need to reply to your last message to me on myspace. I read it last night, but was drifting off, so I didn’t want to reply with my delirious nonsense.

    Ehh, you did chip it. Sad day. I know teeth don’t grow, but about a month after I chipped my tooth, it was fully recovered. How? I don’t know exactly, I’ve been wondering it for years.

    With God, I can’t just “tell” you that there is a higher power, its something you have to put faith and hope into. You have to believe it in yourself, before you can believe it out loud (if that makes sense at all).

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