It’s super late right now but I can’t sleep because of a few things. First of all, my roommate came home tonight with this horrible heartbreaking situation, and my advice to her suprised even myself. I’m beginning to understand my own spirituality, but when I listened to the advice I gave her it became a personal epiphany.
Not even speaking of God, I”m speaking about the importance of keeping faith. Faith in life, faith in yourself, faith in the goodness of man, faith that everything will get better, faith in the hidden gift of really bad situations, and faith that each situation that presents itself holds a lesson to be learned. Faith in these things is like blood in your veins, your body feeds off of it. Keeping this faith is why we have religion, and even though I don’t have a religion sometimes I feel as though the only thing that seperates me from religion is the way I spend my sunday mornings (best when quiet with yogurt and tea and a laptop) and the books I cherish most, like my slam poetry books and all 10 of my old, beaten journals.
The other reason why I’m awake right now is because I’m still quietly smitten by this boy and I just don’t know what to do with myself. I’m going to take the advice of my friends and not force myself to get over it because I deserve to have these feelings. The only thing is, I deserve to be adored as much in return. Even though at this point his actions tell me he doesn’t feel the way that I do, sometimes I catch his eyes and I see something that makes me think differently for a split second.
But honestly I shouldn’t write about this on here. It’s too public! The link to my blog is on my Myspace and Facebook and I honestly have no idea why so many people read this thing and I don’t know who they are and for all I know HE’s read it and then everyone will eventually know and what if HE knows? And wouldn’t it be nice if I had such a resource to him as a blog? Then maybe i’d be able to save myself from public heartache.
Then again, maybe now is where I keep the faith.