After getting off the phone with my best friend Molly, I came to a decision to begin to type with the intent of “clearing the air.” For the past few weeks… or even the past month or so, my blogs have not been as truthful and honest and straighfoward as I should maintain. What’s the point of having a blog if I don’t say whats REALLY on my mind? Or how I’m really feeling, or convey the actuality of my current situation? I’ve been vague and ambiguous becuase I’ve been fearful of some people who read my blog knowing the inner workings of my mind. How do I correct this? Do I fill you in on my current situation (which, especially at this point in time, sounds like an episode of Gossip Girls… of which is no ones fault but my own…) No, I don’t feel like recounting the happenings of the past few weeks, or recounting the emotional ups and downs (by “emotional” and “ups and downs”, I’ve been jumping around the upper spectrum of emotions…. from good to great, the difference between the two emotions being my reason for feeling that way. To be more plain, it has a lot to do with the persons of which I feel that way. These emotions are confusing, but I’m probably not as confused as Ishould be feeling. I’ve been slightly scandalous lately, but my I swear my intention is good and my heart is in the right place, and my feelings are genuine. And I hate defending my actions, I mostly refuse to do it so that’s as far as I’ll go. Oh my goodness, I seem to be digging myself a hole of ambiguity deeper than the one I want to correct…. I promise I’m going to speak the truth from here on out.
Honestly, my heart feels like it’s wide open, but in a good way. In a rare way, too. I’ve never been this type before… I feel so open to affection and I’m about to get really corny. I just feel really full of love and I want to share it with someone who will adore me as much as I adore them.
And that’s all. I’ve made my vow of honesty and now I need to go to Blockbuster.