Life, Thoughts

Dracula’s Lament

I just woke up on the floor of my apartment with a text message and Forrest Gump, so I ate an apple and here I am…

Please, everyone…. SEE FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL! This video is a song from it, believe it or not it’s incredibly charming in the movie but most likely somewhat strange out of context.

Today I disappeared for a while by myself, because when I feel sad or overwhelmed or lost within myself, I have to do that. I have to feel alone in the world to regain sense of what’s important to me and what’s important in life. Stepping away from the tedious project that becomes our reality is vital for my sanity… when we start taking ourselves too seriously, clarity of mind wanes. Anyway, only one person actually knows where I went or what I saw, because I’m keeping it to myself but it was one of the most beautiful, miraculous moments in my whole life and I feel a sense of renewal.

I really miss my family. I really wanna hang out with my dad and talk, and I wanna cuddle with my mom and enjoy cooking, and I want to drive with my sisters… I really want the three of us to be together so badly. I like the thought of me jumping on claire in the morning and laughing at how her morning smell has never, ever changed. Or sleeping with Ash talking for hours and hours and I miss the way she says my name… it’s kind of like “AIR-RIH-KAH!!” I’m just spouting off here, but I miss her very square thumb nail that was painted a very bold pink while eating a burrito in Humboldt. Crushers games, ACE hardware, Yosemite and Disneyland’s “it’s a beautifa daaay”… “Honda you die.” and “Every body else knooooows”… God, remember spraying sun tan oil on the marble in Mexico and sliding down the corridor? Nutella and fresh squeezed orange juice. Grandma toes, rock sales, climbing the front tree with our bike helmets and REI fleece, Thelma, and the last thing before I ramble forever… this song came on “The Crush” at work (GOD I MISS SARAH AND NO NAME!!!!!!! SO MUCH!!!!!) Anyway, this song made me teary eyed while making a sandwich. Why am I crying lately? I should probably just allow myself.

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