insomnia, Life, love, Nineteen, Thoughts

Birds In the Sky, You Know How I Feel….

Its 2:21 as I begin this post, and I’m sitting cross legged on my living room floor with a piece of toast and a pony tail in my hair. I’m also wearing my favorite hot pink tiger shirt… but anyway. My roommate and I found a bunny today. Well, she found it. I only helped her catch it, and I bought the bunny food and now we have a pet. It’s name is Samson the Scoundle.

This evening I found out about my living situation later this year. It’s a sexy little loft, cheap rent, right near downtown. I got it : )

I feel strange.

Strand of words: insomnia, anxiety, pressure, sadness, nostalgia, quiet, destructive, searching, learning, hoping, trying to understand… part of me wants to stay up all night, with hopes of figuring myself out.

You can have knowledge without wisdom, but you can’t have wisdom without knowledge. It’s like the difference between book smarts and street smarts, and there are appropriate times for each. Someone asked me to adopt a viewpoint with the same premise as an “intricate connect the dots picture, without numbers.” Do I need numbers? Not necessarily, or at least I’d like to THINK i dont…. Is this an example of my lack of trust in a bigger plan? I thought that I DID trust. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and everything will turn out as is should, and it will be okay. But I find it difficult to look up into the sky and imagine an enormous, beautiful picture behind the gleaming stars. I mean, I know the space between the stars in the night sky is not empty, I have faith in this because I can feel it… I know that I am here with a purpose–we all are. But I can’t seem to trust that there is already a plan drawn out for me, starring me in the face as a velvety canvas of orbing dots. Or of connect-the-dots, if you will.

How can one have time to be indecisive while the world is still turning and we are lucky enough to be breathing, dancing, loving, eating, walking, laughing and thinking? There is no time to wait for a sign! Tap into your intuition… this is the wonder that keeps the stars apart. That raw, gusty, first instinct is your sign…. it is a gift, and it is my faith. I believe in myself.

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