Adventures, love, Travel

Unplugging, Not For Long Enough.

I just arrived at my Grandma’s house in Trinidad, California a few hours ago from cross country camp. Camp was right on the Eel River, off the Avenue of the Giants in Burlington Campground. I’m so glad I went! Even for the short time that I did. It was awesome to see the team and the coaches again and there’s something about the cool, quiet of the Redwoods that is so relaxing. It’s definitely a place in the world that I hold among the dearest in my heart… and yes, that’s one of the corniest things that I’ve ever written.

Yesterday we hiked 7 miles to the top of Grasshopper Peak…

The treat at the top!

The treat at the top!

…a vigorous, optimistic day full of good people and good food and lots of sweat and dirt. Needless to say, a hot shower felt unimaginably amazing. So did a steaming hot plate of pasta, a few s’mores and cozy game of sardines under the stars.

My Grandma’s house is so relaxing and cozy that it’s 2:15 in the afternoon and I’m about to take a shower and read a book in The Beachcomber Cafe, or possibly walk down to the beach and stroll the pier… Or maybe I’ll just curl up and watch a movie in the hammock. Decisions.

She’s so accommodating and has offered her camper as my little retreat, and I plan on taking her up on this as often as possible.

I’m staying until Saturday morning and then I guess I’ll begin my descent south into the real world, but I don’t wanna talk about that. This is me purposefully signing out for a few days, turning off my cell phone, and escaping. Goodbye.

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Friends, love, Thoughts

So I Guess I’m Still A Little Girl.

Found these of me on my Dad's computer...

Found these of me on my Dad's computer...

 

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I even kept journals back then ūüôā

Yes, it's true.

Yes, it's true.

 

McKenna just called me and I broke down into tears even before I answered the phone.¬† I remember feeling the same way in elementary school when my mom picked me up after I’d had a rough day of¬†cooties and tattle-tails; as soon as I’d see the comfort of her car my lip would quiver, my eyeballs ready to burst with tears.

Now I don’t feel that way when I see my mom, or my home… I don’t know why things like that are no longer really my source for comfort.¬† My friends are.¬†¬†Seeing the comfort of their name calling me, especially when I’m feeling vulnerable, trying as hard as I can to be strong–I want nothing more than to hear their voice and hang out with them and laugh.¬† They make me feel so happy.

Anyway, I just had a good, short little cry over the phone with McKenna and I feel a lot better (although I’m still holding a q-tip in my hand to absorb the tears before they fill the brim of my eyes beyond capacity, messing up my mascara.)

I got a haircut… my hairs cut…¬† I leave for Camp tomorrow evening… I don’t have an appetite, I don’t feel like eating and I can’t wait to see my grandma.

I’m worried about my friend Wayne… he¬†went to Japan at the beginning of the summer and was supposed to come home last week but no one’s heard from him.¬† We don’t know where he is… last I heard from him, he was going to bike 130 km from Masuda over the mountains to Hiroshima.¬† He was going to leave in a few days as of July 6th and the last time he logged into his Myspace was on the 8th.¬† I don’t know any more than that but I hope I hope¬†I hope he’s okay.¬† Please, please.¬† Please.

I feel better after writing.¬† Home is so petty and trivial, I wish it didn’t have the power to stir me up like this…. now I’m going to go get a manicure and read the newspaper.¬† Tata, darlings.

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Nineteen

Last One, For The Road

 

John Mayer Banksy

John Mayer Banksy

 

 

Little Erika, reduced to which while hearing John Mayer

Little Erika, reduced to which while hearing John Mayer

 

 

 

I take the train home today… I’ll be home for a few days before I head to Northern California for the SRHS running camp. ¬†I’m excited to see everyone, I think I’ll stay for a night or two and then go further north to visit my Grandma. ¬†I can’t wait to see her, and relax with her, and enjoy the life and the amazing air up there. ¬†Humboldt is the most relaxing place that I can think to easily escape to and I plan on staying up there as long as I can. ¬†I can hardly wait… I just want to get up there and read and play cards and go on hikes and make art and hang out with my Grandma!

So before I go, ¬†I have to post one more John Mayer thingy and then….. and then… drum roll… ¬†I’m stopping myself from blogging about him anymore. ¬†It’s may last one, for the road. You’ve all heard about him for months, and I seriously have this freakish love of the guy and I’m starting to weird myself out. ¬†I can’t help it these days and I need to recover from my addiction. ¬†Admitting it, apparently, is the first step towards recovery. ¬†My last hurrah¬†is this video and then… no more. ¬†

Check out this amazing piece. I. AM. SPEECHLESS. ¬†HE’S AMAZING! I have overwhelming love for this boy. ¬†He’s, he’s just…. aaa…

His music makes my heart swell and my head happy, and my body responds with lightness of breath and of foot and of heart. ¬† His music makes me feel like I could swoon yet could run really, really quickly; like my heart is a heavy sponge dripping with Martinelli’s sparkling apple juice; ¬†as if any ailment I have mends itself upon hearing his guitar;¬†and as if I’m a little girl, frustrated at the depth of thoughts and lack of vocabulary to color them.

 

I melt like maple syrup over hot pancakes when he plays.  

 

The End.

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Music, Nineteen

Love Is A Hot Shower Where Your Skin Never Prunes

 

shock.

phase one: shock.

 

excitement

phase 2: excitement

 

awe

phase 3: awe

 

 

 

 

 

I snuck to 3rd row and nearly got kicked out at least 4 times. ¬†I danced with strangers, security guards, on chairs, made lots of friends¬†and had an all around amazing time ūüôā ¬†AMAZING!!!!

 

He closed the show with Gravity… ahhhhhhhhh.

 

My sis and me!

My sis and me!

 

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Music, Nineteen

Burnin’ Bright Like Neon

I feel overwhelmed with material & the sustenance that complicates life– I don’t know really where to begin. ¬†For starters, I found some saved drafts on my blog from the past 2 weeks that were never published… pathetic, really:¬†

“It’s Thursday afternoon and I’m sitting here…”

“I can’t remember the last time I went this long without writing in my blog… Japan, perhaps? ¬†I see a trend in my life when I don’t write: ¬†It’s only when I have too much material to blog. ¬†I guess I feel overwhelmed and I don’t feeling like sorting though everything, which is what blogging often forces you to do.”

“Wow, I guess since I don’t feel like recounting my life for the past week and a half, I’ll just give you the scoop on me at this very moment.

It’s 10:45 in the morning and I’ve been up since 8 feeling sick. ¬†Sick, but I’m not ¬†unhappy, if that makes sense at all… ¬†I’m lying in my nook…”

It’s better I didn’t post these right then, for 2 reasons: so that I can poke fun at myself right now, and so that no one stumbled upon my blog and stumbled forward just as quickly due to the lack of constructive content and talented writing it would appear to contain.¬†

 

“Outta sight, outta mind.” ¬†Why can is it so easy for some to feel hurt and angry after not hearing from someone for a while? I feel a struggle to keep in contact with those I love; it becomes impossible to stay caught up and close to everyone. ¬†I would spend all of my time doing so, and the time I had left in my day I’d be exhausted! Is my faith in my relationship with my family and friends naive? ¬†I don’t feel it necessary to talk to them as often as I’d like in order to keep our loving relationship… I don’t feel upset when I don’t hear from them as often as I’d like, either, because I love them just the same, and I know when we see each other things will go straight back the way they’ve always been–the way they’ll always be.

I’ve admitted that I’ve been bad at staying close to these people, and I just want to throw out a huge¬†

I LOVE YOU.  

and tell you that we’ll talk very soon. ¬†With all the forms and modes of communication, there’s no excuse to miss someone like this.

OH MY GOD JOHN MAYER IS TODAY. ¬† I AM GOING TO SEE JOHN MAYER IN HIS REAL, LIVING, BREATHING, HONEST-TO-BLOG SEXY SELF TODAY. HIS TRULY SENSITIVE, VIDEO GAME PLAYING, PORNO LOVING, GRAMMAR PERFECTING, WATCH-PIMP, COCONUT EATING, GUMBALL 3000 SELF. I’M WORRIED AND CURIOUS AS TO HOW I WILL REACT¬† WHEN HE COMES ON STAGE… I’VE SEEN COLDPLAY IN CONCERT, CLAPTON, THE ROLLING STONES TWICE, SANTANA, B.B. KING, RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE, WU TANG CLAN, MOS DEF, JACK JOHNSON… AND NEVER HAVE I ACTUALLY HAD TO HYPE MYSELF DOWN FOR A CONCERT. I REALLY FEEL THAT IF I DISPLAY MY TRUE EXCITEMENT AND LOVE, SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN. I’LL HAVE A HEART ATTACK OR GET TOSSED OUT OF THE CONCERT OR SOMETHING.¬†BUT HONESTLY, I THINK I WOULD GET ALONG WITH JOHN REALLY WELL AND I JUST WISH WE COULD BE FRIENDS OR SOMETHING. SEE? NOW I’M STARTING TO SOUND CRAZY. BETTER GO, I’LL POST PICTURES AND WRITE ALL ABOUT TONIGHT. IT’S GOING TO BE PHENOMENAL. AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, I HAD TO ERASE NEARLY 20 EXCLAMATION POINTS FROM THIS POST TO AVOID SOUNDING LIKE AN ADOLESCENT CHEERLEADER.¬† ¬†

PS-GO SEE BATMAN, AND THEN WE’LL TALK.

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Nineteen

#254 @ 12:57

It’s been a long time since I last wrote. ¬†I don’t quite know why… I could say that I’ve been busy, but I’m always busy, I should make time to write… I normally have an urge to post! Just not recently I guess. ¬†I feel very happy, nothing is really the matter–perhaps I’m distracted by sunshine? ¬†

 

I tend to pull away from different things or people and go M.I.A. for a while. It’s not everything all at once, just one thing for a while, until I feel like reappearing. It doesn’t mean I don’t love the person or thing, I just have to disappear, it feels uncomfortable to stay too plugged in, tuned in, attached, dependant and possibly consist ant to any thing. ¬†This is all on a subconscious level, I don’t do it purposefully but I’ve noticed this trend since I was little and I have to accept it. ¬†And I think those that love me have to accept it too–I don’t want to change.

Regaining my sense-of-self after the inevitable loss-of-self during adolescence, I based everything on independence. ¬†I didn’t think I’d find myself without being totally and utterly comfortable being on my own. ¬†I was right, but I took this idea to its most extreme sense and now independence is such a vital part to my identity… I don’t know if I’ll ever be capable of a traditional relationship. ¬†Or one of any sort, for that matter. ¬†But then I catch myself giving advice that I should be taking… “when it’s right, it’s easy.” ¬†And then it’ll get hard (most likely) but it shouldn’t be difficult to will yourself to love someone, should it? ¬†Will yourself to love? ¬†That sounds terrible! ¬†I just have to try to have faith that it’s in me somewhere and when it’s right it’s right.

I’m laying in my bed right now next to my little sister, my tummy still feels full of strawberry shortcake and my legs are tight from the bike ride I went on with my dad yesterday. ¬†I complained for the first part of the ride, and actually nearly burst out into tears as I exclaimed, “Dad I just really don’t feel like busting my ass up a hill right now!!” ¬†My voice cracked and then I sprinted up ahead of him so that he couldn’t see my tears. ¬†I was wishing Eva were there to give me a hug. ¬†Alas, I did it. ¬†I did really well, too… except for the last 100 feet of uphill that was so steep my legs could not get me up it. ¬†So i jumped off my bike, pulled my shoes off and ran up the hill. ¬†My dad just laughed at me the whole time, saying things about how I haven’t really changed since I was a little girl. ¬†He took everything with such humor and ease, I couldn’t help but laugh at myself (mostly while he wasn’t looking.) ¬†By the way, the view at the top was amazing… you could see everything.

John Mayer on ¬†Wednesday. ¬†WOW. WOW. Great balls of fire. ¬†I’m wearing my new shirt right now,and you know what? ¬†He’s a really great writer, a sensitive blogger and I’m not afraid to admit that I really want to find a way to somehow get my letter to him. ¬†I do!

I love my little sister. ¬†She’s great at listening, and I don’t mean listening to my stuff but listening to the lessons and advice I have to offer her. ¬†She gets it, and she’s smart. ¬†I could probably learn a thing or two from her.¬† Anyway, I redesigned this page, let me know if you think I should keep trying for a better layout. ¬†I don’t quite know if this one fits but I wanted a new design to inspire inspiration. ¬†I’ll write more frequently, miss you, love you, muah muah. G’night. Erika¬†

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love, Music, Nineteen, Obama

Not-So-Modest…

John,

 

Since brevity is the soul of wit, I’ll try to keep my silly fan letter brief.¬† Avoiding the incessant, cliche expressions of fanaticism, I simply want to convey my gratitude.¬† I say “simply” although, really, I don’t find it in the least bit simple. ¬†

 

When I was a little girl, jazz and blues music fit like a missing piece in my heart…¬† as if I hadn’t quite been a complete person until The Allman Brothers, Stevie Ray Vaughn and John Coltrane played through my fathers stereo system.¬† I felt a sense of overwhelming love and certainty when I first heard this music. I felt certainty and, somehow, knowledge that the love I felt was much greater than I could understand at that time. ¬†

 

Since then, this music has proved to be the rare gift in my life that always feels right and good and necessary for me to live.  

 

Of course, my love for music bleeds from jazz and blues into other genres: classic punk, folk music, hip-hop, soul, new-age rock… but jazz and blues are the crux, my core, quintessential and vital to my soul.¬† Music provides me with my passion; nothing would feel as wonderful or be as beautiful without blues music in my life. Normally I would feel uncertain or scared giving that enormous of a role to any single thing… but that is the magnificence.¬† I feel safe attributing my fervor and lust for life to the sounds of Miles, B.B., and my favorite Clapton, Page & Beck vinyl.¬† Their music offers the necessary tools for a fulfilling life; they never, ever fail me.

  

 

Here is where I lose my voice.

 

My love for your guitar renders me speechless, a challenge I hope to overcome in this letter.  

 

Your music has offered me enormous comfort, has articulated my passion for life and has bestowed upon me a larger capacity for love.  Continuum is a sanctuary, my safe haven, and has such immense depth that it contains the ability to grow and change with me through times of heartbreak and loneliness, then love and strength and everything in between.

 

If Dwayne, Stevie, Miles, Mr. King, Mr. Davis and Mr. Clapton color my world, then your music spins it into vivid motion.  

 

You’d play all the songs on the soundtrack of my life. ¬† You’re the voice of the generation that I’m so proud to be a part of, and your music represents the basic change I wish to see in the world. I admire you fervently, ardently, to no end, in that undying “I’ve-got-your-back” sort of way. ¬†

 

So apparently exuding bold, colorful, unceasing love works.¬† The world is drawn to you because you’ve learned to steep that love into your music and we return the it in this sort of magnificent, continuous, continuum of a cycle. That is what it’s all about.

 

Thank you for brightening my life and never, ever letting me down.  And sweet heaven, thank you for The Trio.

 

Modestly and adoringly always,

 

Erika Anderson

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