Blogging Round 2, Life, Thoughts

I Miss Jack Johnson

ITS BEEN A YEARRR since Eva and I did Warm a Cold Shoulder, our successful winter clothing drive for the homeless.  I can’t believe that a year has since passed and I’ve barely done a charitable thing since except for donate blood.  What has happened to meee??

It makes me consider the past year.  So much has happened, I’ve accomplished so much.  At this time last year I scarcely thought I would get into USF for Spring Semester.  I felt a yearning to be something more, and I made it happen.  Here I am; I got in to USF, I got an internship with the de Young Museum, I dated and dumped the asshole guy I adored forever (older readers will remember Salami Love) I spent the summer in New York City, I made friends all over the world, I helped put on a special exhibition at the Thacher Gallery, and I got a job working at another gallery….  Oh yeah, and I watched my hair grow.

Watching my hair grow is like cultivating my life. 1)  It takes feels like it takes FOREVER to cultivate, but then you realize the time zoomed by   2) It’s never long enough, it’s never good enough  3) I can’t seem to appreciate it in the moment and I’m always looking forward to the future (“I hate my hair now, but it will look good SOMEDAY it just needs a few inches” [I was saying this same thing 2 years ago.])  4)  The quality of it depends on little decisions you make every day.  For hair: food, water, exercise, sleep.  For life: food, water, exercise, sleep…. attitude, compassion, motivation…

In the midst of it, how can you be sure your decisions will lead to what you actually want in life?  How can you be sure that you won’t hate long hair and end up cutting it, despite the discipline it took to get there…  I guess in life, quite often we find ourselves right back where we left off.  The important thing, perhaps, is venturing out despite that possibility.  When you end up right back where you left off, you’re aren’t who you were the last time you were there.

So I’ll watch my hair grow another year, perhaps 2 years, and if I don’t end up liking it, I’ll chop it and know it wasn’t all just a waste of time.

Besos mi amores, xoxo.

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Twenty!

I Hope No One Comes To Church Today

I got a job gallery sitting in the art space in the church on my school campus.  It’s gorgeous, and really quiet and meditative on Sundays which I find relaxing.  I can go to church without having to “go” to church…

Lately I feel like sitting in there on other occasions as well.  Organized religion is not something I enjoy, but I certainly can’t deny the ethereal, sublime sense of contemplation that the tall arches and low lighting inspires.  It feels like love and hope in there.

I’m still not feeling like myself.  I want to lead a simple life in the country, I don’t see why life should be this difficult.  Or this lonely.  I realize we need to suffer a little bit to appreciate happiness, and Plato says that education should truly be difficult road.  I don’t know what I need to feel happy again.  But I seriously hope it comes soon.  I think it comes on December 18th, the end of this horrible semester.  I feel like I’ve lost my shot to the stars, like right now I feel like I’ll have to suffer in a city until I can return to the country.  I used to want to be a museum worker in a large institution and now I’d rather be an administrator in a small institution.  I want life on a more simple, small scale surrounded by more people, surrounded by my friends and my sisters.

 

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